


putting me back together was never so easy

by BestDeadFriendsForever



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Buck is a Good Dad, Every day is Sad Boi Hours for Eddie Diaz, Just a peppering of angst with a fluffy ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22701262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestDeadFriendsForever/pseuds/BestDeadFriendsForever
Summary: Eddie starts acting weird and Buck wants to know why. The answer isn't exactly simple, but it never really is.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Carla Price, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Past Eddie Diaz/Shannon Diaz
Comments: 20
Kudos: 306





	putting me back together was never so easy

Buck watched Eddie carefully as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Hen was right in the middle of a really funny story about the last time she and Karen had taken Denny to the playground, and Eddie was grinning and nodding along, but he seemed off. It was almost like Eddie was running on autopilot, going through the motions. When Hen turned to look at Chimney when Chim broke in with a story of his own- and Eddie thought no one was looking- his smile fell away and his eyes were unfocused as they stared at- not _at, through_ \- his boots. Buck frowned at that and he moved over to the couch and sat next to his partner, pressing up against Eddie’s side as he usually did, and just casually took a sip of his coffee before offering it to Eddie.

Eddie tensed for a moment before he glanced over and realized that it was Buck. He gave Buck a short smile before taking the mug and just cradling it between his hands for a moment. Then he absently took a sip and passed it back to Buck.

They went through their day and Eddie’s weird mood continued. If he wasn’t actively engaged- whether it was out on a call or just being around the fire station with their team- he was obviously lost somewhere in his own head. Buck decided to just give it a few days and see if it passed. He could understand, better than most, the way that sometimes you just had a bad couple of days that you couldn’t quite manage to shake off.

But then it started to effect their life at home.

It was little things at first. Eddie zoning out when he was in the middle of doing something while Buck helped Chris with his homework or was just playing with him to give Eddie a little bit of a breather. He would break out of it if Christopher called for him, but there was still something behind his eyes that didn’t sit quite right with Buck. Then, Eddie was slipping out of their bed in the middle of the night and Buck would find him on the couch in the mornings when he went to make coffee. Then, Eddie quit coming to bed at all.

Buck felt helpless. He didn’t want to push and have Eddie shut down on him, but he needed to know what was going on, how he could help. _If you can help_ some traitorous part of Buck’s brain whispered in the hind quarters of his mind. Buck swallowed down any insecurities and feelings of inadequacy as he put Christopher’s books into his backpack. He was taking Chris to school that morning in an attempt to let Eddie get some extra sleep. He constantly looked exhausted.

Buck tried to stay chipper and upbeat for Christopher despite the thoughts pinballing around in his head. He walked Christopher up to the doors and knelt down to give him a hug and a smacking kiss on the cheek. “Be good, alright? Carla will pick you up.”

“Okay,” Chris said and he fisted his hands on the shoulders of Buck’s shirt. Buck tilted his head to press his cheek against Christopher’s fist.

“Everything okay?” Buck asked when Christopher just stood there for a long time with him. Usually he was in the school as quick as could be, but he was hesitating and clinging a little more than normal.

“Yeah. Just…” Christopher’s face twisted up in thought. “I think Daddy’s sad.”

“He might be,” Buck said carefully, never quite sure how to handle moments like these alone. Yes, he was helping Eddie to raise Christopher since they were together, but he never knew if he was overstepping. “But that’s okay,” Buck said quickly when Christopher’s face started to fall, “because he’s got you and me to cheer him up. Right?”

Chris’s smile was bright. “Right.”

“Alright, well you better get in there before you’re late. Go learn something.” Buck pressed a final kiss to the top of Christopher’s head as Christopher headed into school. He tucked his hands in his back pockets and made sure that Chris was in the doors before he started back to where he’d parked his jeep. Buck took the long way back to the house to give himself some time to think and he stepped inside to see Eddie sitting at the island- his back to Buck- but he was hunched down a little in his seat.

Buck closed the door softly and made his way over to where Eddie was sitting, putting a hand on Eddie’s back so that he didn’t make him jump. “Hey,” Buck said and he opened his mouth to say more but quickly snapped it shut when he noticed two things- first, that Eddie had been crying and second, that Eddie’s wedding ring was sitting on the counter next to his cup of coffee.

Eddie roughly swiped a hand over his face and he covered the ring with his hand despite how obvious it was that Buck had already seen it. “Christopher wasn’t late, was he? I know how easy it is for him to con you into letting him sleeping in.” Eddie’s voice was raspy and he tried to hide how he sniffed.

“Eddie, babe,” Buck said and leaned his back against the island so that he and Eddie were looking at each other, “what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked and avoided Buck’s eye. “I was just-”

“Changing the subject,” Buck cut him off and something nervous fluttered in his stomach. “You’ve been acting off for over a week. You’re upset and brooding and you won’t even sleep in the same bed as me anymore,” Buck listed out, making sure to keep his tone even, “and now I’m walking in to you crying over your wedding ring. And you want to tell me that’s nothing?” Eddie winced a little and tucked his hands underneath his arms. “Talk to me, Eddie.”

Eddie’s jaw worked for a long moment before his shoulders slumped and he rubbed at his eye tiredly. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not,” Buck insisted.

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Eddie watched Buck for a long time before he ducked his head again. “Tomorrow would be our tenth wedding anniversary. Shannon and me,” Eddie said quietly.

Buck wasn’t sure what to say to that. They never really talked about Shannon. And whenever Christopher brought her up, he let Eddie handle it on his own. Buck hadn’t known her. He only knew the bare minimum and only in relation to how she had fit into Eddie’s life. “Oh,” Buck said lamely, feeling like he should at least be saying _something_.

Eddie stood up quickly and shook his head. “I told you it was stupid,” Eddie snapped and went to turn away, but Buck caught his elbow.

“It is not _stupid_ , Eddie,” Buck said and squeezed Eddie’s arm gently.

“Yes! It is!” Eddie said and he was shaking under Buck’s touch though Buck wasn’t sure whether it was from grief or anger. “I’m sitting here falling apart over our anniversary when we wouldn’t even be married anymore if she were alive! I’m hurting you and hurting Christopher and all over someone that didn’t even want to be married to me!” Eddie let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “You know, I’m not even sure we loved each other by the end. We’d been married for years and had a kid and-” Eddie’s breathing hitched and he pulled his arm out of Buck’s grasp to cover his face. “I feel guilty, Evan,” Eddie said from behind his hands. “Guilty about moving on and being happy and in love again, and then I feel guilty about feeling guilty because I _love_ you and you don’t deserve this. They way I’ve been treating you-”

“Hey,” Buck said gently as he tugged Eddie’s hands away from his face. “I’ve got broad shoulders, I can handle it. So don’t worry about me.” Buck gave Eddie a small grin before he pulled Eddie into a tight hug. “What do you need?” Buck asked and just rubbed Eddie’s back.

“All I need is you and Christopher,” Eddie mumbled against Buck’s neck.

Buck felt a smile tugging at his mouth. “Well, you’ve got that already.” Buck pressed another kiss to Eddie’s temple and just held him for a little while longer. When he pulled back he thumbed away a tear from Eddie’s cheek. “C’mon,” Buck said and tugged Eddie towards their bedroom. “You’re exhausted and I’m never going to turn down a nap on my day off.” Eddie opened his mouth to protest but Buck just shut him an unimpressed look and he rolled his eyes fondly, relenting.

…..

They were still curled up on the couch, Eddie asleep and burrowed into Buck’s chest despite both of them being too tall for the couch to really be comfortable if Eddie’s ribs and hipbones digging into Buck was anything to go by, when Carla came in with Christopher. Buck waved his hand and then pointed down to where Eddie was resting and Carla nodded before whispering in Christopher’s ear.

Christopher shuffled over as quietly as he could on his crutches and he smoothed a hand over Eddie’s hair like Eddie did for him every night before bed.

“You got homework?” Buck asked, keeping his voice at a whisper. Christopher nodded and Buck nodded toward the dining room. “Get to it, kid. I’ll look it over when Dad wakes up. No Legos before you’re all done,” Buck said sternly and despite Christopher’s obvious displeasure, he nodded and went to the table. If Buck wiggled out from under Eddie a little, he could lean over and see Christopher perfectly.

“You sure you don’t want me to stay? You look like you’ve got your hands full,” Carla said softly and leaned her hip against the back of the couch. Buck gave her a grin before rubbing Eddie’s back slowly.

“Nah, I think we’re good. Thank you, Carla.”

“If you need a thing, you call,” she gave him a stern, almost motherly, look.

“Yes ma’am,” Buck said and she reached down to pat his shoulder before seeing herself out. It was only a few minutes later that Eddie, almost as if he sensed that his son was in the house, started to wake up.

“Time ‘s it?” Eddie mumbled, not all the words there or fully formed, but Buck was used to parsing out what Tired Eddie was saying.

Buck lifted his arm to glance at his watch. “Little before four-thirty,” Buck said and Eddie jerked up a little in Buck’s hold.

“Christopher-”

“Is in the kitchen-” Buck assured and stroked his thumb over the small of Eddie’s back where his t-shirt had ridden up. Buck raised the volume of his voice so that Chris could hear him, “-doing his homework. Right, buddy?”

“I’m doing it, Buck!” Christopher called with a laugh that made Buck grin.

Eddie nodded at that and pressed his face into Buck’s neck for a minute. He wasn’t relaxing to go back to sleep, Buck could just feel that in the way that Eddie was holding himself, but rather just soaking in the comfort that Buck was freely offering. Buck pressed his cheek against Eddie’s head before pushing at his shoulders.

“Alright, you’re going to have to move now. I’ve had to pee for like fifteen minutes,” Buck said and Eddie gave him a look.

“You could have woken me up and I would have moved,” Eddie said as he shifted so that Buck could slip out from under him.

“Yeah but then you would have gotten up,” Buck said and leaned down to press a kiss against the top of Eddie’s head. Buck didn’t have to be able to see Eddie’s face to know his partner was rolling his eyes at him. Buck looked in on Christopher- who was tapping his pencil against his worksheet before scribbling down some answers- before he headed down to the bathroom. He took a minute or two to just get his thoughts in order before returning back. Eddie and Chris were both laughing and Buck felt his chest get warm. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed hearing Eddie’s laugh. “Now who’s the bad influence?” Buck teased as he walked over and pressed a kiss to Christopher’s forehead.

“He was done already,” Eddie said with a fond eyeroll before tilting his head back for a kiss of his own. Buck was more than willing to oblige. Christopher made a faint gagging noise despite the grin that he was sporting when Buck pulled away from Eddie.

“Who wants to help me with dinner?” Buck asked and when Christopher wiggled with excitement, Buck picked him up and swung Christopher to perch on his hip. “What’re we making, Chef Diaz?” Buck asked teasingly.

“Mac and cheese?” Christopher asked with a grin.

“Mac and cheese it is then,” Buck said and set Christopher down on the ground. “Why don’t you go and get the cheese and milk out of the fridge?” He gave Chris a light pat on the back before turning to Eddie. “You want to handle the veggies because I know you’re not going to let me feed him just mac and cheese.”

“Well, at least you _know_ ,” Eddie teased and he caught Buck around the waist playfully before giving him a quick peck. Buck grinned and went over to dig the box of macaroni out of the cabinet. “And Buck,” Buck turned to look at where Eddie was watching him with a soft smile, “thank you.”

“I said I’d have your back, Eddie,” Buck said and he gave Eddie a soft grin, “and I mean to keep my word.” There had been a lot to happen between them, but Buck was just thankful that they were able to move past it, had been able to forgive each other and themselves- as much as they would ever be able to really- so that they could have nights like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Just some musings about Eddie and Shannon's relationship now that she's dead. I feel like Eddie we know that Eddie's not completely over it, but how can he ever really? There's no closure to that story. Anyways, comments give me life y'all   
> -James


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